Humour

Official Denial

AIR FORCE DENIES STORIES OF UFO CRASH

Valles Marineris (MPI) - A spokesthing for the Martian Air Force denounced
as false rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert, outside
of Ares Vallis on Friday. Appearing at a press conference today, General
Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that "the object was, in fact, a harmless high-
altitude weather balloon, not an alien spacecraft".

The story broke late Friday night when a major stationed at nearby Ares
Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Valles Marineris Daily Record with a
story about a strange, balloon-shaped object which allegedly came down in
the nearby desert, "bouncing" several times before coming to a stop,
"deflating in a sudden explosion of alien gases". Minutes later, General
Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the Daily Record telepathically to contradict
the earlier report.

General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a detachable
vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were blatant fiction, provoked
by incidents involving swamp gas. But the general public has been slow to
accept the Air Force's explanation of recent events, preferring to speculate
on the "other-worldly" nature of the crash debris. Conspiracy theorists
have condemned Rgrmrmy's statements as evidence of "an obvious government
cover-up", pointing out that Mars has no swamps.